One thing that I'd like to point out. It is OK, in my view, to use the terms "lady" and "gent" and consider them not genders but dance roles. I hate the terms "lead" and "follow". The reason for that is that contra dancing is not couples dancing, where the gent always leads and the lady always follows. There are MANY situations where the lady leads. I just got back from NEFFA and participated in one session called "Women in Charge Contras". Here are some moves encountered in that session: a right and left through with the lady on the left. A gent's chain with the gent on the right. Ladies picking up men for a star promenade/butterfly whirl. Ladies rolling away gents. I can understand the desire to use gender titles and try to designate the dance as gender free - but I just don't like "lead" and "follow" because they are kind of misnomers. Just a thought. And I know - I didn't answer your question, did I? ;)

I dunno - there was a gender-free dance also at NEFFA and I didn't wear any armbands and neither did my partners, but I definitely agree that "arm bands" and "bare arms" are too close. I do see how "men" and "women" are loaded" terms but they do appropriately define the roles. We still say "ladies chain" and "men allemande left" and know that whoever is playing that role does the move.

Two thoughts.

First, as regards the issue of nomenclature--I respect anyone's desire to use any term for the roles they darn well please. Personally, however, i typically use "lead" and "follow" because they more closely resemble what i usually see without implying limits to me that i'm not prepared to accept. Leads don't always lead (which i define as initiating flourishes or other variations), but most variations and flourishes are designed to be done from a lead position. Follows don't always follow, but they usually do. By comparison, i feel like a lot of men (particularly older men) of my acquaintance have a harder time with the idea of dancing "the ladies part" than they might do "dancing follow". Of course this doesn't include the guy at my dance who gets all squidgy about any move that causes a male dancer to touch his torso, but your mileage may vary. The point is that i'm less worried about follows feeling like they're not allowed to lead or leads thinking they have to lead everything and more worried about men and women thinking that there's only one acceptable dance part for them and they should only dance the other in case of necessity.
As for dancing both roles more often at techno events: In my experience, i tend to dance lead more often when i'm in amongst other dancers my age and younger. Many (not all) of the dancers i know of my parents generation aren't as comfortable with dancing a nontraditional role as i am, so they only do it if there aren't enough of the other role and they *really* want to dance. I dance lead for that reason too, but i also dance lead because i want to keep my hand in as it were, or because there's a follow i like dancing with. That expands things some. Additionally, i find that i can be a bit pickier about follows i'll lead than i am leads i'll follow. As a lead, my arm wears out quickly if i dance with a follow who doesn't give good arm (which i've found to be more problematic among experienced dancers of my parents' generation), and i love leading follows that will let me play a little (to the extent that i know how). A also usually end up asking others to dance when i lead and being asked when i follow. So i typically choose follows that are either very good or so new that i'm actively concerned with getting them dancing. With leads, by contrast, i typically only refuse if A. i've been dancing with them a lot and i don't want to be exclusive, or B. i've found their dancing so frustrating or their demeanor so off-putting that i can't be pleasant while dancing with them. This includes the ones where i think "Ok, normally, yeah, but right now i just don't have the energy to be there for them in the way they need."
As a result, i'm more likely to look for same gender partners at a techno contra where there are often more follows of the sort i most enjoy.
As an additional note, i know i more frequently dance lead when i'm out of town; my dance often has extra men who all want to dance lead, and i've met a lot of dancers who book their friends heavily and all but ignore anyone they don't know well. As a result, i'm more likely to hunt farther afield when i'm away from my home crew, which is often true at a techno contra.