Found this flow chart by Ron T. Blechner on Facebook.
He is a "pro-twirl" contra dancer from New Jersey. I think this sums up the whole "don't be a jerk
" mantra rather nicely:
From http://tinyurl.com/9qfojy7; by Ron T. Blechner
I think this is brilliant (although I quibble somewhat with the idea that it's only a gents' dilemma, as I face it too when I dance the role that ends up on the left after a swing, and I'm most definitely not a "gent" even when I am dancing that role).
And I especially love that he mentions the facts that 1) having an offer of a flourish refused is not the end of the world, and 2) if you do flourish, be careful and be on time. Some people love flourishes; some don't; and some normally love them but don't right that second (for whatever reason -- tired, dizzy, cranky because of other stuff, just plain don't want to) and ALL of those stances should be respected.